Talk the Talk

14-02-2014 – Friday



Dad came into my room today, I am actually very ashamed of this, but I am going to tell it anyways, because it is also rather funny. He never comes into my room, probably because he is hardly ever at home. There was a knock on my door while I was typing away on my laptop and Dad asked if he could come in. So I said,’ Sure, why not?’ Because that’s the kind of guy I am.
So he came in, sat down on the bed and said,’ Sit down, we have to talk about some serious matters.’ Dad had this very serious look on his face, which kind of scared me. I sat down on the bed and looked at him expectantly (although I have no clue how one does that).
‘I don’t really know where to start,’ he said.
‘Well, me neither, so just start.’ (It’s not like I have all day or something or nothing.)
‘As today is Valentine’s Day and you have reached the age of a young man, I guess it’s time that we have “the talk”.’ And yes, he made the quotation mark sign in the air with his fingers.
‘“The talk”, Dad? The “talk”?’ I copied his action with the quotation marks, but I think it looked rather silly.
‘Well, you know, “the talk”. I think Dad was acting quite loopy.
This is where I kind of jumped up from the bed, because things were getting a little awkward or something and it was stressing me out.
‘No, Dad, I have no idea. You come into my room -which you hardly ever do – and start going on about “the talk” as if I know what “the talk” is. Dad, if I had known what “the talk” was, you’d probably not be in my room, talking about “the talk”, would you?’
Dad fell silent for a moment. He looked up and down a bit and then said,
‘Ah, you’re right. Well, “the talk” (I was getting fed up with this word already) is about hfnsks (this is where he mumbled something).’
‘Hfnsks? Thanks Dad. That really clears it up. Maybe we should just call it “the talk” and leave it at that.’
‘Sex, son, it’s about ‘having sex’!’
I looked him in the eye with a dead serious look and he looked back at me. He was still sitting on the bed and I sat down next to him, took him by the hand, looked him in the eye and said,
‘Okay Dad, what would you like to know?’
This was one of the few times I saw my Dad laughing out loud. He had been preparing for this ‘talk’ for days he told me. I told him he shouldn’t worry about anything. First of all I don’t really have a girl friend (yet! But I do have a crush on someone ;)). Secondly, all I have ever wanted to know about sex can be found on the Internet. I may be socially impaired, but I do know how to use Google and I am not a complete retard.
Anyways, in case you were wondering why I am writing a story about 14th February on 15th of February, it is because yesterday we left London (here I should have written something witty about the floods, but I couldn’t think of anything) and we arrived in Rotterdam this morning. Dad has got something of a meeting here or a congress or anything. I dunno. He has got this job and I haven’t a clue what it is. At school I always say he’s a plumber, because that way I don’t have to explain anything to anybody. We have got WIFI in the hotel, so I’ll try my best to post something about Rotterdam this evening. I brought a camera; unfortunately I left all the cables at home, which means you will have to wait for the visuals. Have a nice post-Valentine’s Day. See me tonight or tomorrow.


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