Why do these things always have to be so difficult? Love things, I mean. Does it always have to be so subtle? I am just not good with reading people’s faces and body gestures. That’s what I realised today when talking on Facebook, ohw, I completely forgot. Before I continue my story on love and Evelyn (inseparable these words are), I will have to tell you about a new Dutch friend I made on Facebook and, please, remind me that I have to write a letter to Grandma to thank her for the Facebook idea. Grandma is completely loopy and a total genius at the same time. And when I am rich and famous I will have to send a bouquet of flowers to my new Dutch friend. One bouquet each week, I think she deserves that.
This girl is great. She makes me laugh and she makes me think about myself. Today I asked her how a boy could tell whether a girl likes him or not. So she starts saying things about looking at the boy a bit longer than is normal, and smiling at him and things like that. I kind of freaked out there, because I have absolutely no idea about body language and how much time does one normally look at a person? Five seconds, ten seconds? Is a minute longer than normal? Besides the looking at people, what about smiles!?
A smile can mean so many things and there is absolutely no logic in it. When does a smile mean ‘I am just smiling because I want to come across as friendly’ and when does it mean ‘Please, ask me to go out with you, because you’re cute’? And when does it mean ‘I farted and I’m trying not let anybody know it was me’? I can’t tell the difference! I just can’t. How the (bleep) do people do that?
And then there’s the other thing she said that really made my armpits wet with sweat,’ Girls want boys to ask them out.’ How cruel is that to guys like me!? How will I know whether a girl would want me to ask her to go out with me? What if she says ‘no’? I don’t think I could take a rejection like that. The entire school will find out and you’ll be the laughing stock of the year. Bullies have a nose for these kinds of things. They don’t know who you are, but they will find you and they will taunt you. Trust me, I’ve seen it happen.
Are there books that I could read on body language and facial expressions? I would love to find out which smile means what. Do people practise using those smiles? I don’t remember me ever letting one go and then put on a smile as some sort of decoy. I think I’d sooner say something like,’ Is that popcorn I smell?’ What if your facial muscles are underdeveloped or just not present and you can’t really smile or wink or anything like that? Did God really think this through? Or was this the work of Satan?
All this thinking about Evelyn, and whether she likes me as much as I like her, and is she thinking about me, etc. etc. Hundreds of questions and thoughts are raging through my head like a hurricane. It is pure torture that I do it unto myself. Nobody is making me think the things I am thinking and Evelyn can’t help it, she’s just being herself. It’s my brains. Is there a word for this? How can brains be so stupid to cause itself so much mental agony? It’s like hitting yourself over the head with a hammer repeatedly while saying,’ Stop doing that, it hurts!’ yet you continue to do it. Brains are weird things and I wish I could keep them under control a little bit more than now. I think I should go to sleep; it’s way past my bedtime. I will give all this some more thoughts in the morrow. Good night. See me tomorrow.