The Walking Wikipedia Encyclopaedia

31-03-2014 Monday

Thanks for all the birthday wishes everybody. To paraphrase one of my favourite authors,’ A frabjous day. Callooh! Callay! I chortled in my joy.’ (L. Carroll)

Unice came round yesterday to ask what all the noise was about. She said it had kept her out of her sleep. Dad said,’ Great!’ and closed the door. Sometimes he makes me feel proud of him. Then the phone rang and it was Unice again who said she was going to call the police. Either she didn’t call them (very unlikely) or there was not much the police could do (very likely) as we haven’t seen them so far. I guess they’ve got Caller ID.
Mr Bent came over this evening. Mum did invite him to the party last Saturday, but – being Mr Bent – he more or less declined. If I were him I would have done the same. Mum saved a piece of pie for him. I asked her to save a piece with a candle on it and so she did. She even saved a big piece for me, but I asked her to cut it in half, because then it’s only half the calories. You know I am still on my diet. Besides, when it’s only half the calories, I can eat twice as much. It’s a win/win situation.
By the way, Mr Bent won the prize. I don’t know if you remember, but the birthday decorations said I turned 14 while I actually turned 15 today. We had not removed all of the decorations yet, because we wanted to wait after today. Mum and Dad were a bit embarrassed they hadn’t noticed it, not even after three days. They probably won’t forget that I’m turning 16 next year. Maybe I could do without the decorations then, they seemed a bit childish this year, especially with Grandma doing her striptease act on the kitchen table. That was quite a contrast. I gave Mr Bent the other half of my piece of pie as a prize. He got me all sorts of guitar books (see picture). If he’s into these bands, he’s got quite a good taste for music.ImageRon D. – the walking Wikipedia Encyclopaedia at school – reminded the class of the fact that today was my birthday and so everybody started singing. I wish they hadn’t done that. Even though I liked the gesture, it was completely out of tune, some of the kids had no rhythm and Mrs Hoover nearly lost her dentures. A woman her age shouldn’t be allowed to teach anymore, or to sing for that matter. Though she’s a lovely woman, she’s falling apart. She’s 64 and looks 78. Don’t ask me how she’s done that, I don’t think anybody’s interested in her little secret. Coincidentally her first name is Victoria; so us pupils have started calling it Victoria’s Secret (please, don’t tell her that).
Evelyn gave me a big birthday kiss at school this morning. I turned red, but it was really cute. I think we’re a cute couple. Mum and Dad said she was really pretty. Dad was really impressed, I could tell. He hadn’t expected that … me neither. I’m going to do my best to hold on to her for as long as I can. That’s it for now, because we’re about to get rid of the last birthday decorations. See me tomorrow. 

Hide Your Kids. Hide your wife!

29-03-2014 Saturday
30-03-2014 Sunday

It’s half past two in the morning and we’re just about to finish cleaning up the mess. I asked Mum if I could go to bed as I was deadbeat. I am deadbeat, but I just wanted to write one or two words about the party while it’s still fresh in my memory. Although I don’t approve of binge drinking, I think some people drank to little to be able to forget about the discomforting things they did. And here I am eternalizing these moments on paper, aren’t I the best!?
Let’s start with these embarrassing moments just to get that out of the way. Grandma had brought her own liquor, because we never buy her the ‘good stuff’. Mum made her promise she wouldn’t drink before dinner, Grandma made up for that by drinking half of the bottle after the last bite she took. Before too long she was doing a striptease on the kitchen table. But only after Jonesy had announced his divorce. I think it all had some sort of causal relationship, but I’m not sure. I got that idea when I heard Dad shout out,’ Finally, we’re getting rid of that stuck-up (bad word).’ I believe this is where Nora – the ex-wife to be – stole Grandma’s whisky bottle and drank the other half.
I feel kind of sorry for their daughters: Kaylee and Lucy. Though we don’t have a lot in common and we hardly ever speak to each other, I wonder whom they are going to live with. If their mum is going to be an alcoholic it might not be the best of choices to go and live with her. They are too young to move out – they are about my age – and their dad does not know how to raise these kids. Last year he let them go to school in their pyjamas, because he thought it was what kids wore nowadays.
Besides that Kaylee and Lucy are spoiled rotten. They get almost everything they want and often get it right away. I bet that after the divorce they get everything double. They always brag about all that they have and poke fun at people who don’t dress according to the latest fashion and who don’t watch the series they are watching. Obviously the shows they watch are cool and everything else is just ‘rubbish’. It’s a pity that they don’t show any sign of intelligence. I believe it took them three years to learn to breathe.
Luckily Evelyn didn’t have to witness all this. Evelyn had to be home before dinner, so she was saved from embarrassment. I’m not going to tell her anything about it. I think I can get away with leaving out those moments and I don’t think anybody in my family will bring it up soon. The only weird thing I had to explain was why Grandma kept calling me Ivor (I do hope you still remember). Evelyn thought it was quite funny and she found it a nice nickname. I just don’t hope she’s going to call me that; I’m not a cat, I’m a ferocious lion, hear me roar!
Now for the best part. This is Arthur doing the dance of joy and singing, quite out of tune,’ I got a guitar!’ I don’t know how Mum and Dad did it, but they bought me a guitar and kept it a secret for weeks. I’m so happy I could cry. I’m not going to, because I’m a lion. Instead I’ll just roar a little. Roar.

Okay, so I had written thus far when I fell asleep last night. It is Sunday now. I woke up at half past eleven and stayed in bed till half past twelve. That’s when I felt it was really time to have a shower and start my day. Mum and Grandma had already been to church, but Mum refused to tell me anything about it. I might call Grandma to ask her about what happened. Talking about Grandma. She gave me two tickets to the London Underground yesterday and said she was wondering why I wanted these for my birthday. ‘London Dungeon, Grandma! The Dungeons!’ I’ll try again next year.
Evelyn was really sweet; she had even bought a present for me. She gave me a T-shirt with a drawing on it that she had made. In the picture you see me thinking of Evelyn who’s thinking of me. And she had the original framed with her signature on it and all. I asked her to sign the shirt, too, just in case she might become famous or something. I think I’m going to hang them both on my wall. I don’t want to wear the shirt out, plus, I think wearing it might draw too much attention to us at school and we don’t really like to be in the spotlights.
I’m going to work on my guitar skills today. I tried it a little yesterday, but it’s really hard. My other relatives gave me all sorts of stuff to go with the guitar: some books with guitar lessons, strings, plectrums, tuner, etc. I feel like a rock star already. Maybe I should think of a good stage name or a band name. Crud, I see Unice coming … Hide your kids, hide your wife, she’s gonna find you! Run! Bye, see me tomorrow. 

It’s My Party (and I … )

28-03-2014 Friday

I should have posted this yesterday, but I was too busy getting ready for today. Brace yourselves my birthday is coming and we’re celebrating it today (if I’m not here, you’ll know why). Mum sent me to the hairdresser’s yesterday, and we went shopping. She wants me to look like a real man this coming tomorrow. It was supposed to be a surprise party, but Grandma spoilt the surprise. I called her up yesterday to tell her once again about the ticket to the London Dungeon. When I wanted to hang up she said,’ See you tomorrow at noon, then.’ followed by a deafening,’ NOOOOO,’ by Mum and a,’ See, I told you so,’ from Dad. Sometimes I get the feeling that Mum and Dad live in a world I am not part of; sending each other messages that I don’t understand.
I haven’t said much about this, but I’ve lost some weight by paying attention to what I eat and by doing some exercises each night before I go to bed. It’s not much, but it’s something and it makes me feel a lot better about myself. Mum noticed it when we were buying clothes. I’ve grown an inch (maybe two) in length, but shrunk an inch (or two) in width. We were both a little proud and it really made my day and it made me look forward to my birthday even more. I am also very curious about what Mum and Dad got me. They told me I’d like it a lot, but they have really gone to great lengths to keeping this a secret. A surprise not even Grandma was able to spoil.
Also, Evelyn is going to come over today! So she’ll be celebrating my birthday with me and my wacky family. It’s too late now to inform her upfront about everybody. I’m just hoping nobody does anything embarrassing. You know what happened at Grandma’s the other day and I don’t think I could explain a thing like that to Evelyn. Let’s just pray that Grandma does not find our liquor cabinet. Dad days he has hidden all the ‘good stuff’ and by that I hope he does not mean all the sweets I like most.
When I woke up this morning and walked into the living room Mum and Dad had even decorated everything. I’ll be honest about this; I overheard them arguing while decorating the room last night. Mum kept changing the things Dad had done, Dad kept complaining that nothing he did was right, Mum kept saying that Dad just doesn’t know about these things and in the end I walked into the room and a nice sign said Hoorah, 14 Years! I’m turing 15, but it’s just a minor detail and Mum and Dad still haven’t noticed … I’m not going to say anything and see who discovers first. That person is going to get a prize. So, I’ll leave you for now. I’ll probably be telling you about this tomorrow. I’ll make up for the lost post. See me tomorrow.

Queen Anne’s Revenge

27-03-2014 Thursday

‘The world is my lobster.’ I kind of liked the proverb, except I couldn’t find a way of fitting it into today’s blog in any sensible way. Actually, come to think of it, I’ve never heard anybody use the proverb in everyday life so far. Obviously I’m not the only one who can’t fit it in properly. Is it being used in literature at all? Come to think of it, I have the feeling proverbs are getting more and more a thing of the past. Am I the only one? I think I’ll try my best to give this proverb and others some more attention in my writings.
It’s going to be a short story today, because I spent my time writing something else which I’ll tell you about in a minute (or two, depends on how fast you are reading). For some reason we started talking about pirates today during history class. Don’t ask me how we came to talk about that, because I was not really paying attention. I was reading a note Evelyn had sent me about this weekend. It read that she was looking forward to meeting my family and that I shouldn’t worry about it too much. Truth is that I just have no idea what to expect from Dad, he has a knack for embarrassing me using only a handful of words and a stupid look.
Anyways, we were talking about pirates (well, the teacher was) and when I got home I looked up some information on one of the most famous pirates I know of: Blackbeard. I didn’t even know he was British and that he was probably named Edward Teach and one of his ships was called Queen Anne’s Revenge. Why don’t we get taught more of these things at school? Why are we always stuck with the boring bits of history? This Blackbeard story inspirited me to write some lyrics (which is why today’s story is so short). Here is my go at writing lyrics, too bad I’m not a musician.  

 

Queen Anne’s Revenge

We’ll set sail just as soon as the winds are right
If the wind won’t come we’ll be here for the night
So, drink up me hearties, yo ho
Drink up me hearties, yo ho

Ninety men were killed but we won’t shed a tear
‘Cause they weren’t ours and we know no fear
So, drink up me hearties, yo ho
Drink up me hearties, yo ho

Queen Anne’s Revenge and her forty guns
With a well-aimed shot she will burn your buns
So, drink up me hearties, yo ho
Drink up me hearties, yo ho

We’ve got rum, we’ve got beer
All the pirates are here
There is nothing to fear tonight
Edward teach us a song
So we can all sing along
We’ll sing all through the night

And Edward stood up
As he raised his cup
His voice booming mighty low
We’ll set sail just as soon as the winds are right
If the wind won’t come we’ll be here for the night
So, drink up me hearties, yo ho

When the band joined in
They all started to sing

We’ll set sail just as soon as the winds are right
If the wind won’t come we’ll be here for the night
So, drink up me hearties, yo ho

And before too long
They all sang his song

We’ll set sail just as soon as the winds are right
If the wind won’t come we’ll be here for the night
So, drink up me hearties, yo ho
Drink up me hearties, yo ho

 

That’s it, I’m off to bed. See me tomorrow. 

Condoms and Clean Underwear

26-03-2014 Wednesday

Even though blogging has probably been one of the best things that has happened to me since last time I said that something was probably the best thing that had happened to me, I’m kind of frustrated with the thought that I can’t possibly write down everything that is happening in my life. There’s so much going on at the moment that I think is worthy of mentioning. So, here’s just one paragraph on each of the highlights. Brace yourselves onto your hats everybody (Franz said this the other day in class; we laughed our heads off).
Talking about Franz – the German exchange student who was not really an exchange student – he’s leaving us next year. He won’t be missed by many, because most pupils found him an obnoxious little twat. Franz and I have learnt to tolerate each others presence so I think I’ll kind of miss him next year. The reason that he’s moving back to Germany is because after so many years of living here, his parents just haven’t been able to blend into society. In other words, they still haven’t learnt to speak the language and feel socially isolated. I am too, but you don’t see me moving to Germany, do you!?
Mr Owen and Mrs Williams are madly deeply in love and are not afraid to show it in public. It grosses out everybody in the entire school, including the other teachers. Some of the pupils have agreed on yelling ‘Get A Room!’ each time they see the two being intimate again. Intimate in the broadest sense of the word. If the love duo even stare at each other for longer than 5 seconds you’ll hear voices coming from all directions and – don’t ask me how they do this – for some reason all at the same time and perfectly in tune. They must have been rehearsing this.
Mr Bent is doing just fine. He’s decided to do something with his life for a change. Although his body won’t allow him to do a lot of things – he’s beyond repair – he’s been going to some sort of club. He said that if I was able to become a more sociable person, then he should be able to do so, too. I have no idea what sort of club because he’s been very secretive about this. At least I’m glad that he’s finally got a place to go to other than the supermarket.
Evelyn, the love of my life, told her parents about me last weekend. They were not very thrilled about it. Evelyn did like the idea of meeting my parents, so she’s probably coming over this weekend. I’ve spent some extra time cleaning my room and tidying up the place. I have even offered Mum to help her clean the house, because I don’t want Evelyn to sit down on the sofa and leave with dog hairs all over her clothes. When I told Dad Evelyn was coming over this weekend he said,’ Make sure you’re wearing clean underwear.’ I wonder whom I got my social skills from.
Last but not least. I talked to Belle today – another friend from the Netherlands – and I explained to her that Cheddar was neutered some years ago. I always refer to the dog as ‘it’ which Mum and Dad find a little annoying. They keep saying,’ It’s a HE!’ but he hasn’t got the balls to show it. Mum and Dad didn’t want any puppies or ‘accidents’ as they called it. Though I haven’t the foggiest how one could accidentally have sexual intercourse. I’d like to note that It was not my idea of having the dog neutered, but –as far as I know – dog condoms had not been invented yet then and I think they still haven’t been invented. Even if they have, I don’t want to be the one sliding a condom on … you get the idea. I think this is about it. A short update on nearly everything. See me tomorrow. 

Schools Are Guilty Of Insanity

25-03-2014 Tuesday

Image

Luckily I got the computer cables back today. I explained Mum what had happened and although she’s still not really amused, she did understand why I did what I felt like I had to do. If it happens again Mum is going to go over to Unice’s house to have a talk with her. I’m in favour of a petition of some sort, but Mum wasn’t really thrilled about that idea either. Maybe I should take the smiley face down.
This whole ‘being grounded’ thing got me thinking. Maybe I’m too young and too inexperienced to understand but does punishing people for doing something they did wrong really help. At school there are lots of children who are being punished (school itself is seen as some form of punishment by most of us). It’s not that they stop doing bad things; they just find more cunning and sly ways of doing naughty things so they won’t get caught. I think punishing people is not teaching them to stop breaking rules, it’s teaching people to be more careful next time when breaking the rules.
I think good proof that this system of punishment (and rewards?) is not working is detention class. It’s not just because detention class is always full and that there’s always a shortage of chairs and space, it’s that you see the same faces in there every time. To me that is proof of a system failing big time. Don’t these kids learn anything from their punishments? No. Well, they do, but not the right thing. Besides what I said earlier, I also think they learn to dislike the system more and more and maybe question it. It might even encourage them to do more bad things just to prove there’s a flaw in the system.
How come school does not see this? Why aren’t we doing anything about this? Isn’t there any other system without punishments that works better? I wonder what will happen to those kids I see in detention class each and every week. Once they’ve finished school they will have learnt such cunning ways not to get caught doing bad things, they’ll be the world’s best criminals. How is it possible that a system like this – a system that obviously does not work- is used all over the world? You know what I think is the most ironical bit about this? I see those same faces in detention class every time and you know what teachers say? Ohw, obviously he hasn’t learnt from one day of detention class, let’s give him three days … see if that works.’ Then when that doesn’t work, they’ll give him five days of detention or they suspend him. Even a child will understand that if one or three days of detention did not solve anything, neither will five or a hundred days or suspension be of any use. It’s like they’re saying,’ You know that thing that didn’t work last time? Let’s do it again.’ I declare all these people insane based on the following quote by Einstein (at least, I believe it was Einstein’s, I just found it on the Internet):

‘Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.’

Here’s another quote I think schools should meditate on,

‘Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius — and a lot of courage — to move in the opposite direction.’

So, that’s my psychological rant of today. The rest of my life is going according to plan. Please, don’t ask me whose plan or which plan; it just feels like there’s a plan that I’m following. See me tomorrow and don’t do drugs.

An Unintelligent Life Form From The Planet Blargh

24-03-2014 Monday

Sometimes being grounded is well worth it. Let me start off by saying I don’t get grounded often. Actually, hardly ever. Actually, this might well be the first time. ‘There’s a first time for everything,’ Mr Bent would say, and this first time didn’t even hurt. I’m not even mad or angry or sad or anything. I accept my faith and punishment with a certain pride as well, I might add. If you are wondering why I’m grounded, please, read on. If not, please, read on.
Unice, you know, Unice … need I say more? She’s only moved in since last yesterday and she’s already been getting on my nerves for a week. Today I had had it with her and her odd behaviour and I guess at this very moment she feels the same about me. Of all the places in England she chose to live opposite me. Hopefully, at this very moment Unice is thinking,’ Of all the places in England I chose to live opposite him.’
There I was, just minding my own business, doing my homework up in my room. My desk is in front of the window. My window looks out on the street and I can see Unice’s house from my room. Which means, she can see my house, too. Every fifteen minutes I saw her peeking through the curtains. First I’d see a couple of fingers grabbing hold of the curtain, then the curtain would be pulled away just enough to for me to see her nose and one of her eyes pop through. Then she’d open the curtain just a little more and slide her head through the gap to be able to see the entire street. Then, after having inspected the street, she’d look up to my room and stare at me a bit. I swear I could see her taking notes.
First it made me wonder,’ Who does this woman work for?’ Maybe she’s from a secret government organisation. However, I couldn’t think of any organisation that would be interested in spying on one of the most boring streets of London. Then I figured she might be alien. An unintelligent life form from the planet Blargh sent to our planet to annoy the hell out of us, hoping we would leave the planet voluntarily so they can inhabit it. I guess that’s a bit far-fetched. I’m still hoping that it’s just somebody’s idea of a practical joke and that she’ll be moving out again next tomorrow.
After two hours I got kind of fed up with the same routine over and over again. That’s why I decided to annoy her a little. So I made a sign,’ If you can read this, you’re completely loopy.’ I held it up as soon as she turned her face to look up. I didn’t get to see the look on her face, but when I put the sign down I saw her coming out of her house making a beeline for our door. She rang the bell and then I heard her scream and shout, the door slammed, she walked back to her house looking behind her at my window with each step she took. Then Mum barged into my room, shouted and screamed at me, took my sign and the computer cables, said I was grounded and slammed the door on her way out. I put up a smiley face for Unice. Nobody can complain about a smiley face, can they?
So, that’s why I’m posting this so late and why I haven’t been online all day. When I heard my parents going to bed I snuck downstairs to get the cables back (they were on the table, which is not the best of hiding places). I’m going to put the cables back where I found them. Hopefully I can have them back tomorrow. If you don’t see me here tomorrow, you know why. See me … soon. 

Normality Restored For A Fiver

23-03-2014 Sunday

When Mum was taking a shower this morning, Dad gave me a fiver and said I deserved it. I have no idea what I’d done and I wish he would tell me because I’d do it all again if there’s another fiver in it for me. A Sunday sure sounds great when first thing this morning Dad gives you a fiver. Too bad the joy of the fiver was overshadowed by Mum and Dad’s fighting. When Mum came downstairs she said we should go to Church like real Christians. Dad said we should stay home, wash the car and watch some good films like real Atheists. That’s got the fire started today. I was the agnostic front.
In the end Dad won. It was not because of good arguments, but because we were too late for church because of all the bickering. Next week Mum is going to go to church with Grandma and I’m more than welcome to come with. I think I’ll have to decline; one cannot be an agnostic front in church. On the other hand it might be really worth seeing Grandma in church. You never know what she is capable of doing. She might just ask one of the priests out on a date; that would be hilarious. I’m going to think about it.
Dad did as he said he would do; he washed the car and watched a film. As we don’t spend a lot of time together as father and son, I decided to help him. I stopped helping him after I got a scratch on the car. It was not really my fault. Dad had given me a sponge that had a small pebble stuck in it, because he had dropped it on the gravel earlier. He went through four stages of grief in less than five minutes. First I heard him say,’ No, no, no, there’s not a scratch on my car. Please, don’t tell me there is a (nasty atheist curse word) scratch on my car.’ It was followed by a cry for help. I believe I saw Unice taking notes from behind her curtains.
Then Dad got angry and started throwing wet sponges at his car. I hope that he removed the little pebble from it before he started throwing. He finished it off by throwing the bucket of water at his car. Luckily for Dad (and the car) the bucket missed. Finally he walked into the house, sat down in front of the telly and started watching TV. When Mum came in and asked what all the racket was about Dad said,’ Hi honey, the car’s got a scratch on it, nothing serious, you can hardly see it. When you squint a little and hold your fingers in front of your eyes like so nothing’s the matter. Don’t worry about it.’
Mum went round to Grandma’s to talk about her church idea and Dad and I stayed at home watching a film called ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’. It’s a good thing Mum wasn’t here, because she wouldn’t have liked this. Afterwards I gave Dad his fiver back, because I felt really sorry about his car. Hope everything will back to normal when Mum gets back. Well … maybe it just depends on what normality is anyways.

See me tomorrow. 

Nothing Nice About Unice

22-03-2014 Saturday

Our new neighbour is moving in today and I don’t like it and I don’t like her. Yesterday she did the same thing to us as she did to Mr Bent: barging into our house without an invite and just talking for hours on end. First she talked about herself, then about nearly everybody in the street and then she tried to get personal information from us. She hasn’t even moved into her new house in the street and already she knows everybody and everything. How in the world did she do that? Mum and Dad did not want to seem rude so they let her come in and stay for a while. They even offered her tea and biscuits. I would have offered some stuffing had somebody asked me; but I wasn’t asked. I guess they wanted to get on her good side, as they probably don’t want to be part of Unice’s gossips. What would it take for Mum and Dad to understand that everybody is going to end up a character in her gossips? Me thinks that she’s been into all of those houses and was probably offered tea and biscuits by most of the people, yet, here she is telling us all the latest gossips on them. That’s not a way to treat people and if it were up to me, she’d be out her house before she had even gotten the chance to move in there.
I wrote quite a long story this morning because I was nominated for the Liebster Award. I didn’t know if I would have the time to come back and write some more, but luckily I did. As I said yesterday I was going to tell Mum and Dad about Evelyn. All day long I had been thinking of a good way to start. The entire conversation had been going through my head in hundreds of different ways with just as many different outcomes. Also, I was making excuses all the time for not going downstairs to tell them. Most of the times I’d just say to myself that it was not the right time yet. Truth is there’s no right time or place for these things. Best thing is to just blurt it out.
Slowly I walked down the stairs trying not to make a sound for no apparent reason. Looking round the corner to see what they were doing. Dad was watching a film with lots of shooting scenes in it and Mum was reading some sort of magazine. I tried to walk into the room as casual as casual and said,’ Hey, did you hear Arthur’s got this amazing new girlfriend!?’ I just stood there in the middle of the room staring from one parent to the other waiting for some sort of reaction. They were looking at me and at each other in turns and I guess that they were both waiting for the other to say something about this.
Of all the scenes that had been going through my head, this wasn’t one of them. First thing Dad said to Mum,’ You owe me a fiver.’ Followed by a,’ Well, Arthur, as long as you don’t get into trouble and use a condom.’ Mum hushed him and took me to the kitchen for a talk. She made me some tea, took out some biscuits and said we should celebrate this moment a little. Then as we were drinking our tea she started asking all kinds of questions about Evelyn, a lot of which I couldn’t answer. I wrote her an IOU for the answers and she said she’d talk to Dad about this. He’ll get used to the idea. Also, Mum would like to meet her, but I’m not sure about that. I’m kind of relieved and I think it went pretty well. That’s it for today. I have written an awful lot, more than enough. See me tomorrow. 

What Have I Won?

I’m A Liebster Blog Nominee!

Glad to see you. My name is Arthur Didyus – but you are allowed to call me ‘sir’ Arthur, if you want to – and I am about to hit it big time. For the first time in my life I have been nominated for something (fact 1). And although I haven’t even won anything yet and I have no idea if there’s a prize to win, I feel delighted to have been nominated for something at all. All my efforts have not been in vain and I think being nominated is already a victory onto itself – which is not really a fact and is also not really about me.
There are a couple of rules I have to follow and one of them is that I have to list 11 – not 10, not 12, but 11 – facts about me. I am not the listing kind of person; I am more the story type of guy (fact 2), so I’m going to just write this whole thing as if it were a blog about my everyday life. For those of you who have been reading my posts regularly, you know that the only thing I really do is just tell you about what my silly little life with the odd semi-philosophical frustration about things like ‘best’ and ‘genuine’ (fact 3).
Is there anybody who doesn’t know yet that my name is Arthur? Well, there you have it and although it is a fact, I’m not putting it on the list. Most kids my age already look quite manly, except for me; I have this boy-ish look that I would like to get rid of. My spots have nearly all gone, just the odd spot every now and again, which has actually only made me look younger. It’s the special soap I used a to achieve this result (fact 4). And with results I am talking about the spots, for I don’t think that soap can make you look younger. If that were true, there should also be soaps that can make you look older. Do you think they sell soaps to get rid of that schoolboy look?
No, I didn’t think so. I’ll be turning 15 in a week and a half (fact 5) and for my birthday I don’t want a lot of presents – just one or two will do – most of all I would like to look more of a man. I guess it would be hard for somebody to wrap that up. Looking more like a man is not very easy, I can tell you that. It is especially difficult for somebody without any facial hair, whatsoever. I don’t even have that fluffy hair yet (fact 6). You know, that facial hair that some kids think makes them look cool, but just makes them look stupid.
One day I want to be a rich and famous author (fact 7) and travel the world to thank all the people personally who’ve been supporting me writing this blog. I think I would really like that. Not only are they supportive, I also learn an awful lot from them. As I am more or less stuck under ‘the rock’ – that’s what I call my house (fact 8) – I don’t get to see an awful lot more than this part of London. I can dream my way to school (which I sometimes do) and I can also dream on my way to school (which I also do sometimes).
Like my neighbour – Mr Bent – I am socially awkward in real life (fact 9), but I have gotten quite good at being very sociable over the Internet. I have problems reading people’s body language and facial expressions (fact 10), which makes it hard for me to survive a conversation out there in the 3D world. But, here on the vast and endless fields of the 2D Internet, I don’t have to read people’s body language or smell their bodily odours. I haven’t thanked Grandma enough for pushing me. That woman deserves a medal, too.
Nat Andrea, I would like to thank you very much for nominating me for this Liebster Award. To show my gratitude, please read the first word of each paragraph. All that’s left for me to do is to answer your question, to come up with a couple of questions of myself for the people that I have to nominate for this award. Before I do that, though, I would just like to say that I have the feeling at this moment that this award is more or less a chain mail without the promises of money and the dead threats.
Thanks for the incredibly difficult question. For a 14-year old boy who gets 2 pounds of pocket money a week imagining what life would be like if money was no object is quite the task (fact 11). Although I guess my classmates would surely know what to say to this within a split second. My dream is to see the world and to travel to far and distant places not worrying about a job, a house, kids, obligations. Just travelling from place to place with a knapsack on my back and an endless flow of loose change in my pocket to give to weary travellers. And I hope that answers your question.
For my own nominees I have got this question: Who would you rather bring to a deserted Island: your best friend or your biggest enemy and why? I am very curious to your answers. Unfortunately, Nat has already been nominated; otherwise I’d nominate her just because I’d like to see her answer. Nat, if you’re reading this, you are allowed to answer it anyways. You can also do it personally through a Facebook message, if you want to.
The end is nigh. I’m not talking about the end of the world, but the end of this blog. I believe that all that is left for me to do is nominate a couple of other people for this Liebster Award. I’d like to nominate AB http://abozdar.wordpress.com; Gluestickmum http://gluestickmum.wordpress.com; Yoshinky http://yoshinky.wordpress.com; Ron Lewis http://ronlewisinsurance.wordpress.com; Maggie Wilson http://mcwilson1956.wordpress.com; Katie Morningstar http://katiemorningstar.wordpress.com; and last but certainly not least, the one and only Stephanie http://thequotegal.wordpress.com.
Love their blogs! Follow them and also follow Nat, because she’s got a fabulous blog, too. Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. It only cost me four hours of my life. If I fail school, I’ll just put the blame on Nat. Although I don’t think Mum would accept that for an excuse. My Saturday is about to start … finally. See me later.

Arthur