An Unintelligent Life Form From The Planet Blargh

24-03-2014 Monday

Sometimes being grounded is well worth it. Let me start off by saying I don’t get grounded often. Actually, hardly ever. Actually, this might well be the first time. ‘There’s a first time for everything,’ Mr Bent would say, and this first time didn’t even hurt. I’m not even mad or angry or sad or anything. I accept my faith and punishment with a certain pride as well, I might add. If you are wondering why I’m grounded, please, read on. If not, please, read on.
Unice, you know, Unice … need I say more? She’s only moved in since last yesterday and she’s already been getting on my nerves for a week. Today I had had it with her and her odd behaviour and I guess at this very moment she feels the same about me. Of all the places in England she chose to live opposite me. Hopefully, at this very moment Unice is thinking,’ Of all the places in England I chose to live opposite him.’
There I was, just minding my own business, doing my homework up in my room. My desk is in front of the window. My window looks out on the street and I can see Unice’s house from my room. Which means, she can see my house, too. Every fifteen minutes I saw her peeking through the curtains. First I’d see a couple of fingers grabbing hold of the curtain, then the curtain would be pulled away just enough to for me to see her nose and one of her eyes pop through. Then she’d open the curtain just a little more and slide her head through the gap to be able to see the entire street. Then, after having inspected the street, she’d look up to my room and stare at me a bit. I swear I could see her taking notes.
First it made me wonder,’ Who does this woman work for?’ Maybe she’s from a secret government organisation. However, I couldn’t think of any organisation that would be interested in spying on one of the most boring streets of London. Then I figured she might be alien. An unintelligent life form from the planet Blargh sent to our planet to annoy the hell out of us, hoping we would leave the planet voluntarily so they can inhabit it. I guess that’s a bit far-fetched. I’m still hoping that it’s just somebody’s idea of a practical joke and that she’ll be moving out again next tomorrow.
After two hours I got kind of fed up with the same routine over and over again. That’s why I decided to annoy her a little. So I made a sign,’ If you can read this, you’re completely loopy.’ I held it up as soon as she turned her face to look up. I didn’t get to see the look on her face, but when I put the sign down I saw her coming out of her house making a beeline for our door. She rang the bell and then I heard her scream and shout, the door slammed, she walked back to her house looking behind her at my window with each step she took. Then Mum barged into my room, shouted and screamed at me, took my sign and the computer cables, said I was grounded and slammed the door on her way out. I put up a smiley face for Unice. Nobody can complain about a smiley face, can they?
So, that’s why I’m posting this so late and why I haven’t been online all day. When I heard my parents going to bed I snuck downstairs to get the cables back (they were on the table, which is not the best of hiding places). I’m going to put the cables back where I found them. Hopefully I can have them back tomorrow. If you don’t see me here tomorrow, you know why. See me … soon. 

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6 thoughts on “An Unintelligent Life Form From The Planet Blargh

  1. What in the world??? Is she going to ride off with your dog in her bicycle basket next????? How well can you sing “Over the Rainbow” Arthur?? Ps… I just love this “new character” in your writing. I am sorry she’s a pain in real life.

    • Well … she might. Which reminded me that I still have a broom lying about that she might have lost. I can’t sing at all I’m afraid. Dad says I have the voice of a thousand hungry monkeys at dinner time.
      Can you sing? Over The Rainbow is beautiful. Talking about rainbows … do you know The Rainbow Connection?

  2. Oh Arthur…I hope you’re saving all your posts and will make a book out of them someday. I almost fell out of my chair laughing at your description of Unice and the sign and your mom, etc. Try to look at Unice as fodder for your very funny blog…

  3. This sounds like the Adult Swim version of that one Taylor Swift music video about the boy neighbor and the window and all that lovey-dovet jazz…but more interesting. The music video behind this one would probably make me laugh. And then wonder why I watched it. Lol.

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