Condoms and Clean Underwear

26-03-2014 Wednesday

Even though blogging has probably been one of the best things that has happened to me since last time I said that something was probably the best thing that had happened to me, I’m kind of frustrated with the thought that I can’t possibly write down everything that is happening in my life. There’s so much going on at the moment that I think is worthy of mentioning. So, here’s just one paragraph on each of the highlights. Brace yourselves onto your hats everybody (Franz said this the other day in class; we laughed our heads off).
Talking about Franz – the German exchange student who was not really an exchange student – he’s leaving us next year. He won’t be missed by many, because most pupils found him an obnoxious little twat. Franz and I have learnt to tolerate each others presence so I think I’ll kind of miss him next year. The reason that he’s moving back to Germany is because after so many years of living here, his parents just haven’t been able to blend into society. In other words, they still haven’t learnt to speak the language and feel socially isolated. I am too, but you don’t see me moving to Germany, do you!?
Mr Owen and Mrs Williams are madly deeply in love and are not afraid to show it in public. It grosses out everybody in the entire school, including the other teachers. Some of the pupils have agreed on yelling ‘Get A Room!’ each time they see the two being intimate again. Intimate in the broadest sense of the word. If the love duo even stare at each other for longer than 5 seconds you’ll hear voices coming from all directions and – don’t ask me how they do this – for some reason all at the same time and perfectly in tune. They must have been rehearsing this.
Mr Bent is doing just fine. He’s decided to do something with his life for a change. Although his body won’t allow him to do a lot of things – he’s beyond repair – he’s been going to some sort of club. He said that if I was able to become a more sociable person, then he should be able to do so, too. I have no idea what sort of club because he’s been very secretive about this. At least I’m glad that he’s finally got a place to go to other than the supermarket.
Evelyn, the love of my life, told her parents about me last weekend. They were not very thrilled about it. Evelyn did like the idea of meeting my parents, so she’s probably coming over this weekend. I’ve spent some extra time cleaning my room and tidying up the place. I have even offered Mum to help her clean the house, because I don’t want Evelyn to sit down on the sofa and leave with dog hairs all over her clothes. When I told Dad Evelyn was coming over this weekend he said,’ Make sure you’re wearing clean underwear.’ I wonder whom I got my social skills from.
Last but not least. I talked to Belle today – another friend from the Netherlands – and I explained to her that Cheddar was neutered some years ago. I always refer to the dog as ‘it’ which Mum and Dad find a little annoying. They keep saying,’ It’s a HE!’ but he hasn’t got the balls to show it. Mum and Dad didn’t want any puppies or ‘accidents’ as they called it. Though I haven’t the foggiest how one could accidentally have sexual intercourse. I’d like to note that It was not my idea of having the dog neutered, but –as far as I know – dog condoms had not been invented yet then and I think they still haven’t been invented. Even if they have, I don’t want to be the one sliding a condom on … you get the idea. I think this is about it. A short update on nearly everything. See me tomorrow. 

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11 thoughts on “Condoms and Clean Underwear

  1. I really enjoyed reading this post, Arthur! I was REALLY LOL! 😉 Was cracking up thinking about Mr. Owen and MRS. Williams and the kids yelling “Get a room!” Also really laughed about the comments your father made and you wondering where you got your social skills from. 😉

    Finally, regarding Mr. Bent, it sounds like both of you are really good for each other. You said “He’s decided to do something with his life for a change. Although his body won’t allow him to do a lot of things – he’s beyond repair.” There’s a Youtube video that he should watch, because he may not really be beyond repair. The name of the video is “Never, Ever Give Up. Arthur’s Inspirational Transformation!” and here’s the link:

    Hmmm? What a coincidence in the title of the video. Maybe you should watch it too? 😉 It’s about a man who had given up because he thought his body was beyond repair. It’s really an amazing and inspirational story. It’s so good, that I added it to my blog.

    At any rate, good luck with Evelyn this weekend, and watch those dog hairs!

    • Dear Ron,

      I must say, I’ve never seen or heard anything like it before. Some kids yelling ‘get a room’. Though I’ve heard of flash mobs, maybe they were inspired by that.
      Talking about inspiring things … that video was really touching. I watched it with great awe. I’ll show it to Mr Bent, he might be inspired by it, too. This man’s got a great first name, by the way.
      It’s great that WordPress shows videos directly in the comment. Way to go WordPress!
      How is the Liebster Award story? I’m really looking forward to it.

      Kind regards,

      Arthur

  2. Ha! Funny paragraph about your dog. But trust me, it’s better to have a neutered pet – otherwise things can get awkward in old age. (too graphic?) And thanks for stopping by and following my blog recently!

    • Dear Alinea,

      I have not got a lot of experience in these matters, but I do like making fun of his state. The dog itself does not seem to care. I guess you’re right, it’s for the best. Have you got a dog, too?
      Thanks for visiting. You’re always more than welcome here … bring your friends, too.

      Kind regards,

      Arthur

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