Chewing Chewing Gum Fun

02-04-2014 Wednesday

Am I the only one who thinks chewing gum is far from charming? It makes those kids look like horses. Some even make the same noise while chewing chewing gum. Gum is especially annoying when people start talking and the gooey sticky (most of the times pink) stuff just keeps popping up for the world to see and hear. I don’t know if it’s me, but for some reason people also start talking with some kind of attitude as soon as they put one of those chewy chew chews into their mouths.
True, most of us don’t like to have a bad breath and it’s absolutely positively not pleasant to talk to somebody who has cigarettes on his breath, but surely there must be other ways of getting rid of it? Mints, for example? True, they’re not very chewy, but at least mints don’t lose their flavour after just ten minutes. That’s more than I can say for chewing gum. How those kids can keep on chewing after the gum has lost its flavour and has started to taste of asphalt is a mystery to me. Not one I’m going to solve, by the way.
If you’ve just tuned in, this is Arthur ranting about chewing gum for various reasons. You’ve just read some reasons above, another reason I am not in favour of chewing gum is where people put the stuff when they want to get rid of it. Today, for the so manieth time, I pulled up my chair and found a very good hiding place for chewing gum underneath the seat. It was a chewing gum graveyard there. I am thinking of writing a letter of complaint about this. This could well be considered a health hazard. It also made me wonder where some kids put their boogers. I don’t want to know.
Okay, I’ve finished my rant. I just wanted to get this off of my chest. It’s gone now. I don’t know if there’s any connection between the chewing gum and what I am about to tell you, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there was. Today one of the last Valentine’s Day Couples broke up. Couples have been breaking up over the past two weeks like there’s no tomorrow. These two were something else, though. They were really shouting and screaming at each other in the canteen.
I know it’s not polite to listen in on a conversation, but the way they were talking it was very difficult not to. Evelyn and I were just enjoying our meal quietly, when all of a sudden we heard one of the trays drop to the floor (including all the food that was on it). The boy, for some reason, was still holding on to an open milk carton with the milk still pouring out while the girl instantaneously broke out into some sort of rage as if she had stumped her little toe. Now, pay close attention, because maybe you can help me understand, as I was totally confused hearing this conversation.
The boy kept staring at her – from where I was sitting I couldn’t really tell if he was saying anything – with the milk carton (now empty) still in his hand. She hit the milk carton out of his hand and started pointing her finger at him screaming how clumsy he was and how he messed up everything. (Here comes the confusing part) Then she started on how terrible a kisser he was and that he hadn’t done anything for her lately. The boy just stood there while she was going on and on about all sorts of things he had done wrong or was doing wrong (something with flowers, birthdays, homework and being a man). For the love of God (I hardly ever say this as I am not very religious) what did it all have to do with the boy dropping a tray on the floor!?
One of the first-formers crawled by to help clean up some of the mess and then she started shouting at him, too. That’s when Evelyn and I walked away. As the door closed behind us we heard a faint,’ We’re through!’ coming from her mouth. I couldn’t see if she was talking to her (ex-)boyfriend or to that poor kid cleaning up their mess. Maybe I’ll find out tomorrow. So, here’s the kicker, she was chewing gum. See, I told you so, gum is the source of all evil. See me tomorrow. 

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5 thoughts on “Chewing Chewing Gum Fun

    • Dear Katie,

      I think I am going to ask the people in charge for Gum Trees. That might be a good idea. Girls will probably remain a big mystery to me … well, actually, people in general are a big mystery to me. 😀

      Kind regards,

      Arthur

  1. Haha. I used to work as a teaching assistant. Etched on my memory is being sat in a Year 5 maths class, waiting for the kids to disperse into groups and seeing a child (I can remember his name, but won’t shame him) pull the most ENORMOUS bogie out of his nose…a really long, soggy one that seemed to defy the natural laws of physics (apart from gravity – it DEFINITELY obeyed gravity!)…and then he wiped it under the desk!!! By this point I’d literally leapt upon the other TA to share the horror and we both sat there retching with the boy oblivious to us.
    Thanks for raising that memory, Arthur. Both snot and chewing gym are most definitely evil. Only bad things can ever be found under a school desk.

  2. Arthur…. I am going to assert that the boy did not drop the tray but instead THE GIRL actually knocked the tray out of his hands because he told her he thought maybe they should have a little more free time apart. She then proceeded to scream and yell angrily at him, citing all his faults, and finishing by knocking the milk carton out of her hand and telling him they were through. This is because any “self-respecting” girl will break up with a boy first before she can feel rejected by him. Thus she turned the whole thing around on the poor unsuspecting lad who probably just wanted a little extra time to read or sleep or drink tea, since this is London. There! You have my theory. I shall wait for someone else (not Mr. Lewis!) to back me up. Nice job, Arthur!

    • Dear Stephanie,

      Well … I hadn’t thought of that. Sounds pretty plausible to me. They weren’t speaking to each other today and they were sitting at different tables, too. He was sitting with ‘the guys’ and she was sitting with ‘the girls’. And with that I mean all the couples that have broken up have now got their own tables. I don’t know whether they’re seeking comfort or plotting something.

      Kind regards,

      Arthur

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