I Know A Guy

06-04-2014 Sunday

I bet it was the last time Mum and Dad took Grandma to the cinema, but more about that later. Friday I wrote a lovely little letter for the people in charge at school and to make it really official I send it by snail mail. Soon chewing gum will be a problem of the past and school will have me to thank for it. Well, partly, I just came up with the good idea, they’ll be the ones who have to execute it. As long as they can name at least one Gum Tree after me, that would be enough credit for me. If this becomes a hot item in England, they could erect a statue of me. I’d be happy to pose for it.
Friday evening Mum and Dad took Grandma and me to the Odeon at Leicester Square. This was more or less to make up for the fact that I was not going to go to the school party. Mind you, I was allowed to go, but I didn’t feel like going. Evenlyn wasn’t going to go either; she had family plans. We’re not really party animals and who wants to be at school in the evening when you’re already there most of the week!? It’s not like a party is going to change anything to the fact that it’s still school.
Leicester Square is great. It’s got an M&M store, and lots of restaurants and hip places, and it’s just crowded. In the middle of the square there’s some sort of small park with a statue in the middle. It’s completely surrounded by fountains. Dad said they had just given this square a face-lift and that he liked the square better before. It’s too new to his taste. He also doesn’t like the new gate, it does not fit in with the rest of the scenery. Grandma claimed that Dad was lying and that the place had always looked like this. This was when Dad started to doubt whether they should have brought Grandma.
We went to see Noah, but unfortunately we never got to see it till the end. Somewhere halfway through the film Grandma started throwing popcorn at the screen. Grandma is not extremely religious and she hasn’t been to church for some time now, but she has read the bible more than once and she did not agree with the way this film displayed such a religious story. She stormed out of the theatre asking for the manager, because she wanted to file an official complaint about this. Mum was very embarrassed about the whole situation. Grandma refused to go back into the theatre to watch such filth (she spat on the floor when she said that).
Dad apologised a million times to the manager and the girl behind the counter. I just sat there and enjoyed the show. It was better than the film, I’ll tell you that. We should do this more often, these family outings are quite bonding. On our way back Grandma was going on and on about the film and the bible, Dad was getting more and more fed up with her and Mum was trying her best to tell Grandma to stop. I was enjoying the last of the popcorn on the backseat. A family outing with Grandma beats any film, I can tell you that.
I hardly ever go the cinema and even though we had to leave halfway through the film, I still think it was one of the best nights at the cinema ever. It beat the rest of my boring weekend. I spent all my time on a stupid project on the environment and how global warming effects our planet. We had to come up with a thesis and support for it. I watched An Inconvenient Truth, but somehow I doubted the truth-factor of this film. Somebody is making money with this film and that always makes me kind of suspicious.
After two days of child labour the project is finally finished which gave me some time to write down this. Tomorrow another week of school starts. I’ll probably be bored to tears with stories from teachers and what Friday’s school party was like and what I missed and I’m not going to tell them what Grandma did, that’s just between you and me and my family. See me tomorrow.


11 thoughts on “I Know A Guy

    • Dear Katie,

      Mum and Dad would kill me if they ever found out about this :D. Writing a book about it would probably be the death of me, too. haha. I am glad I have the chance to write everything down, because I’d probably forget about these things otherwise.

      Kind regards,


  1. Hi Arthur! Really enjoyed reading this… very funny! I’m not sure if it’s a rumor or not, but I just heard that another biblical story, “Haman,” is going to be released within the next week or so. Maybe your parents should load up on popcorn and take grandma to see that one too? 😉

    • Dear Ron,

      Another biblical story … Grandma hasn’t even recovered from this shock. Another one of those films would kill her … or my parents. I don’t think I know the story by the way. I’ll look it up.

      Kind regards,


      • Actually, that was supposed to be a joke. Haman was the villain in the Purim story. It sounds like it’s a good idea for your grandma to take a break from the movies for a while. 😉

        Be well,


      • Dear Ron,

        Whaha, you had me going there. I might be a bit too gullible. I’m about to nominate you for another award. I hope you’re up for it.

        Kind regards,


  2. “into the theatre to watch such filth (she spat on the floor when she said that).”

    The. Best. Line. Ever!!! You’re the expert in ironic little jabs like this, Arthur! Loved this entire piece.

    Can’t wait to see you tomorrow.


    • If I ever really publish a book, I think I’ll have to dedicate it to Grandma and she’d probably be the star of the book.

      I’m going to read your new blog in a minute. Looking forward to it. I’ll leave you a comment.

      Kind regards,


    • Yes, M & M shop was really expensive. I couldn’t believe the prices. And it was so crowded! People spent way too much money there. For some reason it’s always Mum and Dad who are ashamed of what she does, most people seem to like her actions.

      • The first time we went my a dwarf sales assistant sidled up to my daughter and showed her the rainbow of candy. 5-year-olds don’t have great control of an M&M lever and I can’t say no to a dwarf. Never before have cheap sweets been so expensive.
        Maybe your gran could get a job at M&M World. People would love her and she’d get you staff discount.

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