Board Games and Coffee Stains

02-06-2014 Monday 

Thank God I’m back. I had to stay at Grandma’s during the weekend and I got back this afternoon and lordy, lordy am I glad to be home. How did Grandpa manage to live with this woman? Ohw, that’s right, he didn’t. Dad says Grandpa died because he didn’t want the agony of living with Grandma any longer. Dad’s a (bad four letter word).
I had forgotten to bring my pyjamas so Grandma made me sleep in one of her nightdresses. At times like these I am just so happy that she can’t handle a camera and does not know how the Internet works. She’s one of those people who goes to a computer shop and says things like,’ I’d like one Internet, please’ and then she’d add,’ It’s ‘taking out’ so I’d like some portable wifis with that, too, please.’ Anyways, it was one of those old smelly nightdresses, totally worn, a little torn and it was covered in weird looking brown-ish, stains and a couple of white-ish ones. Don’t ask, please … don’t ask and don’t even think about it.
Before I went away Evelyn asked me where Grandma lived, I told her that it wasn’t a matter of ‘where’; it was a matter of ‘when’. Grandma still thinks she’s living in the 70s; sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll. Two of those things are not things you’d want to know about your own granny. She showed me some pictures of herself in the 70s. She was young, smoking, drinking and surrounded by men. Basically nothing’s has changed over all those years, but for her age. Really, I have no idea why it is that she is still surrounded by so many men and that there are these weird looking stains on her nightdress.
I’m not going to go into too many details about the weekend at the moment, there’s just one thing I’d like to say now. Grandma is one of the biggest cheaters in the world when it comes to playing board games. Never in my life have I seen anybody so bad at losing that she’s willing to cheat at anything, everything! Not only that, she also mixes up all the rules and I have no idea whether she does it on purpose or whether it’s one of those things that come with old age. She kept saying ‘check mate’ while playing a game of checkers. When we switched to chess (I thought I was bad at this game) she kept saying it was her turn to throw the dice and she wanted to buy Kings Cross Station and Euston Road. Halfway through the game I noticed that she was trying to put a bishop of hers back on the board. She had somehow managed to take it from me when she was handing me a biscuit. Never take biscuits from old lady ladies, kids!
Grandma read me a bedtime story, which was kind of cute. Well, the intention was cute. She picked up the book from the desk in her room. I believe she thought it was the bible, and although it had a black cover, it was far from the bible. I think Grandma had thrown away the dust cover and I think she had done so for a reason. The book was not meant for my ears and I am not going to say anything about what was in the book, suffice to say that this was a lot more informative than biology class. I didn’t tell this to my parents; Mum would probably kill Grandma over this. Dad would probably laugh his head off and go round Grandma’s to ask for the title of the book. Dirty old man. So, this was my weekend in short. Hope you had a nice one, maybe even nicer one. See me tomorrow. 

5 thoughts on “Board Games and Coffee Stains

  1. Oh, my Arthur! You did have quite the weekend! I am glad you made your escape and are back here to entertain us with your stories!

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