My Dog Ate My Computer

17-05-2014 Saturday

Sorry I wasn’t here for a couple of days. Normally I don’t like to put the blame on anybody else but me, but this time I am putting the blame on two others. First of all I’m blaming my dog and secondly I’m blaming Dad. Not only am I blaming them I have also found them guilty of all charges. Cheddar is guilty of chewing on the computer cable, and Dad is guilty of being a lousy handyman. Both didn’t get any penalties, because I haven’t got anything to say in this household.
So, Cheddar had chewed through one of my computer cables and Dad, being the handyman he is, said he had fixed the cable. Don’t ask me how he fixed, for all I know he used superglue. I thought my computer was working just fine after Dad had fixed it Wednesday evening. There I was, just typing my own business, when all of a sudden I smelt something weird and it wasn’t one of Cheddar’s infamous farts (not mine either). Something was burning. When I looked at the cable it was smouldering. I pulled the cable out of the socket quickly. The entire cable was hot like hell. Luckily I didn’t burn my hands, because I threw it away in time.
As it lay there in the corner of my room, I waited a couple of minutes to let the cable cool down and then I went downstairs with it. Dad was reading his evening paper when I came into the room and I threw the cable on the table in front of him, and I said,

’ Dad, have you any idea what this is?’

He says in his most innocent voice,

’ Well, from over here it looks like that computer cable I fixed. Why?’

            ‘ It nearly killed me, Dad! It could have killed all of us!’

            ‘ Well, aren’t we lucky you killed it first!’

            ‘ Dad, it nearly set the whole house on fire!’

            ‘ Ah, well, didn’t Mum and I teach you not to play with fire?’

This is where I was getting a little irritated or agitated (what’s the difference? I don’t know).

‘ Dad, this is no time for jokes. This cable nearly caught fire, I nearly burnt my hands, and we could have died in a household accident. All because of you, Dad!’ 

Dad didn’t really seem impressed with my small tantrum.

‘ Well, we wouldn’t want you to die a virgin now, do we? Let’s have a look at that cable.’

Dad picked up the cable, looked at it and said in the same emotionless voice he’d been using the whole time. Steam was coming out of my ears by then and I felt just like that computer cable did about half an hour before that.

‘ I see what the problem is. This cable nearly caught fire. We should get you a new one, because this one isn’t going to work anymore.’

‘ Thanks, Dad. Sherlock Holmes would have been proud of you.’

That’s when I stampeded away, back to my room and I think Dad continued reading his paper. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d been snickering behind his paper. When will it get through to him that he’s just not as handy as he thinks he is? I bet that he’ll just do the same thing next time Cheddar bites through a cable. Hopefully it’ll be the TV’s cable, because then Dad will maybe understand what I was going through.
As you undoubtedly have figured out, I wasn’t able to use my computer, at least not until today. Today my parents finally found the time to buy a new cable for me. Three days without a computer isn’t that bad, and it was also a good excuse to not do a lot for school. Each time a teacher asked me after my homework, I smiled and said,’ The dog ate my computer.’ I had Mum write a note for me to show the teachers if they didn’t believe me. Each time I showed it to my teachers, my smile turned into a grin; there wasn’t anything they could say or do about it. Thanks Dad!

See me tomorrow 

They Are Out There

05-03-2014 Wednesday

Seriously, they should kill the guy who invented ‘the flu’. If he’s dead already, serves him right! This stupid flu has been keeping me in bed for two days now and I don’t see any improvement. It feels like things are getting worse. My throat is sore and my body thinks I’ve been lifting weights for every muscle in my body hurts like (bad word). Mum’s been feeding me aspirins and I’ve been eating them as if they were sweets. I’ve had better treats than that.
Lying in my bed being ill made me wonder. What if the human brain is nothing more than a highly developed computer? Our computers are getting smarter and smarter by the day, maybe even by the minute. It could well be that somewhere in the (near?) future we develop a computer much like the human brain, right? I know, I know, we don’t even have hooverboards yet, but we’ve got robots and we’ve got memory cards the size of a pea that carry tons of data. It shouldn’t be too long before we have found the missing link between brains and computers.
Most computer viruses, if not all, are written by man. Computers don’t write their own viruses and they also don’t just pop up from out of nowhere. Sometimes these viruses are written by the people who also have shares in anti-virus software, sometimes they even own the entire anti-virus software and thus they make big money on this by selling that software. I wish I were that smart.
What I am saying is that maybe we are just highly developed computers and ‘the flu’ is a virus written by our ‘creators’ to make money. Aliens out there are making big bucks on ‘the flu’. It is quite logical that we won’t ever find a cure for the flu because as soon as we would find a cure somebody out there, in that vast and ever expanding universe, a green bug-eyed monster is making big bucks over our backs. He’s just rewriting the ‘flu’ programme every now and then to be able to sell updates on his software.

Or maybe this was just the fever talking. I’m going to get some sleep. See me later. Image