Shaped Like An Apple

09-03-2014 Sunday


I tried sleeping in today, because I couldn’t seem to catch sleep last night. Cheddar came to wake me up at 8.00. I sure am happy with the dog, on the other hand, it would have been nice if I had been able to sleep a little longer. Taking Cheddar for a walk at 8.30, half asleep, unwashed and in my most casual outfit ever does not make me look sexy and wanted. All right, I admit, it does make me look ‘wanted’. My face like this would look great on one of those old wanted photos. The only thing missing is a 5-o’clock shadow. It might take some years for me to have that.
Walking Cheddar I decided it was time for me to do more than just mind what I’m eating. It is time to get that body in motion. Fight that fat. Get into shape, a different shape than round. That is why I am going to start doing push-ups (while my hands can still touch the ground when lying on my belly). I am going to do sit-ups, and burpees and I’ll see what other things I can come up with. Maybe I could watch Rocky for some inspiration. Jogging, on the other hand, is not an option.
‘Why?’ I hear you ask. We’ll, every day I see those joggers in Kensington Park – just like this morning – and it really depresses me much. Cheddar and I often pass joggers. Yes, that’s right, we pass them while they should be passing us. And Cheddar and I are just strolling through the park. It’s not like we’re trying to outrun each other or anything. As we’re walking they pass us by, tongues dragging over the path, grasping for air and going as fast as any pedestrian on a Boxing Day down at Oxford Street. That, to my opinion, is not working out (pun intended). It is depressing and a waste of time. I have been passing a lot of these people by for over a year and some only seem to have been getting fatter instead of faster. One letter makes all the difference.
So, this morning, after having walked Cheddar, I started with five push-ups (on my knees, but it is a start), ten sit-ups, ten burpees and about 25 cherry pickers. I believe that is what the PE teach said they were called It looked a bit like a windmill to me. Yes, I admit, it killed me. Four simple exercises and I felt like I was dying. PE at school has not been very helpful over these years, apparently. I will have to work harder during those lessons as well. I think if I can keep it up – a healthier diet and working out – I should be in a better shape than apple-shaped within a year.
I am keeping it short today, because I have been neglecting my homework for way too long. There’s a pile of work on my desk that I really need to get rid of. Luckily Mum doesn’t come into my room that often so she has no idea, but it is time to get some of that work done, too. Enjoy today’s weather and see me tomorrow. 

A Stroll Is Vertically Relaxing

08-03-2014 Saturday

Saturday and, when it comes to the weather, what a lovely day it was. Mum, Dad, Cheddar and I went out for a stroll with no particular place to go. It’s not often we do these things, but when we do, we’re sure to enjoy it. Though Dad would have rather had that Cheddar stayed at home. I gave him this dagger look and Mum poked him in his ribs with her elbow, that’s when he gave in. I guess we had stronger arguments than him.
As soon as we had set foot outside the door Grandma showed up. She wanted to know if we wanted to go out for a stroll through the park. I suspect Mum of having called her up to tell her we were going out for a walk. Dad would have rather had that Grandma stayed at home. Mum gave him this dagger look and she poked him in the ribs. I was on Dad with this one, but Mum had stronger arguments than us.
So, Grandma and Cheddar both got to tag along. Kensington Park is where I normally go when I walk Cheddar, so we know the park pretty well, though today we took another route than I normally do. We first passed Kensington Palace where Grandma had keep on asking if this was where the Queen lived and if we could go for a cup of tea then. Mum tried to explain, Dad and I didn’t really bother. Either Grandma was pulling Mum’s leg or she was genuinely loopy. Either way, she would have gone on asking silly questions anyways.
Then we went to the flower walk where the squirrels are. Those animals are so adorable. Though you are not allowed to feed them, we did bring some nuts (at least Dad did, he came prepared). Grandma wanted to take one home with her in her handbag. She put it on the ground and kept throwing nuts in them. Mum kept on saying that Grandma was not allowed to have pets in her place. Grandma was having the time of her life, while Mum was getting fed up with the joke and by the time we reached the Albert Memorial, Mum was wishing she hadn’t called Grandma. Talking ‘bout just desserts.
I think the Albert Memorial was a waste of money. It must have cost a fortune and it will probably only gain in value over time. I say we sell the (nasty word) thing, and use that money on, I dunno, me? No, seriously, this monument, if sold, could easily solve the hobo problem we have here in London. We could give all of them a lovely home, some guidance, a counsellor and some good education. Instead we choose to keep it. I think it’s pretty selfish of the state.
If we keep it to honour this Albert, then why did we name the entire royal hall after him as well? If you’d ask me, London should choose between keeping that hideous statue that is only there for tourists and birds to do their business on or a lovely hall where people can enjoy music and such. I am trying to be as neutral here as possible. I don’t really mind which one of these two London decides to get rid off, as long as it’s not the Royal Albert Hall. It’s up to you London. Grandma agreed with me on this matter, but we were not able to convince Mum or Dad on this. Cheddar is still in two minds about it.
From the Royal Albert Hall along The Long Water onto the Italian Gardens. This is where I normally sit down with Cheddar when the weather permits. It’s so peaceful and often very quiet in the morning or in the evening. We all sat down together. This was actually a very peaceful moment. The other day a friend said something to me about enjoying the silence together and I think that’s what we all did. At least until Grandma let one go. That’s when we all stood up and left. The smell of it followed us all the way back to our place.
Mum thought Grandma had shat her pants so Mum let Grandma fresh up at our place. Although I though it was quite funny when Grandma let one go, I felt kind of sad as well. I am starting to think she is really losing it. Mum can’t really cope with it and Dad doesn’t seem to care. He just thinks she’s annoying old tart that should have been put into a home years ago. To some extend Dad is right, it’s just that he does not have a nice way of putting it. Maybe it would be best for Grandma if she was put in a home, but I don’t think Mum is going to go along with it. Thinking about this has kept me up half of the night. It’s now half past one and I should have been asleep already. I am going to give it another try now. Goodnight and see me tomorrow. Actually, it already is tomorrow. See me today.