Everybody Wants To Be Naked And Famous

27-05-2014 Tuesday

This is Arthur speaking to you live from Fort Didymus. The enemy has retreated to her own house and is nowhere to be seen. I think we’ve won this round. We’ll have to see what’s going to happen next. Maybe she’s in there plotting a new attack as I speak. Who knows!? She could be planning a way to overthrow the world and I, Brave Sir Didymus am the only one standing in between her and the world. Okay, me, and Mum, and Dad, and Cheddar
Let me clarify this a little. I told you that I was locked up in my room, because of all the homework and tests we’ve got coming and I do want to pass this year. As I have been quite occupied with WordPress, or rather I was quite occupied with it, I didn’t spend as much time on school as I should have. It’s not that things are going terribly wrong; it’s just that I want to make sure I know stuff so that I don’t get into trouble next year. You know what teachers are like, they are always saying things like,’ Ohw, this is what you studied last year, so let’s not talk about it now and move on to more difficult matters.’ And then those matters require that you know everything you studied the year before.
Being locked up in my room, sitting behind my desk, means that I see everything that Unice does if she has her curtains open – which is hardly ever. Today was one of those days she decided to open the curtains. I have experienced why it is that she keeps the curtains clothes and why I rather see she kept them closed for ever and ever. I think I have found out why she pops her head through the curtains every now and again. It’s not only to see what everybody is doing; it’s to check if nobody’s watching her. I think, after so many weeks, she thought the coast was clear. Unice likes to walk around the house butt-naked!
So there I was, trying my best to concentrate on my maths when all of a sudden I see Unice dance around the house in the altogether holding a feather duster in her hand pretending to clean. It was impossible for me to not look even though it hurt my eyes. I believe she was singing, too. The whole thing ended quite abruptly when she saw me sitting behind my desk with open mouth and big glassy eyes. Never have I seen anybody close curtains so quickly. About ten minutes later I saw her rushing out of her house, staring at me and making a beeline for our door. This meant trouble.
She rang the bell and even the way she rang it you could feel her anger. I have no idea why she should be angry, because I don’t think I did anything wrong here. I was just doing my homework when she put on this show. I heard her scream and shout, and rant and rave, and I believe the whole neighbourhood now knows Unice dances around the house naked. For weeks she’s been trying to keep this a secret, acting all weird with her curtains and all, and in not even one minute she notifies the whole street like this. Mum tried her best to calm Unice down. I opened the door a little bit to see if I could hear anything, but Mum spoke to soft and Unice spoke to fast. After some five or ten minutes Unice walked back to her house, looking over her shoulder and pointing her finger at me. I have no idea what she meant by that, so I pointed back at her. Then she pretended she was coming back and I quickly closed the curtains – I wasn’t as fast as Unice was, though.
Mum came into my room to ask me what had happened. I told her my side of the story and I think she believed me. I have no idea what Unice told Mum. At the end Mum said it might be best to keep my curtains closed or maybe move my desk someplace else. The only problem is, there is no other convenient place for my desk. It’s not like I’ve got a room the size of a planet. I can’t complain, but there’s not much room to move things like beds, desks or cupboards. I decided to keep my curtains closed and to just look through them every fifteen minutes or so. In about a month I will open them, dance around my room naked with an egg whisk in my hand and make sure Unice sees me.

See me tomorrow.