Life’s Peachy And You Know It

13-03-2014 Thursday

Mrs Williams called in sick to day; it must be love. I told you to wear gasmasks the other day, because spring, love and hay fever were in the air. She is now paying the price, that’s what you get from falling in love. Well, in this case I think it might also have something to do with the fact that Mr Williams saw Mrs Williams kiss Mr Owen yesterday. If Mr Williams is a smart man, he’ll divorce her while he can (it rhymes therefore it must be true).
There is so much that has been going on lately and I haven’t had the time to mention everything. So, I’ll just spend one paragraph on each and everything I can come up with that I have forgotten. For instance, I forgot to tell you that it was Grandma’s birthday two days ago. Not that she celebrated it or anything. The silly old tart (Dad’s words, not mine) had forgotten about it herself. Mum called her up in the morning to congratulate her and such and then Grandma acted all surprised. At first she wanted to know whose birthday it was. When she realised it was hers, she wanted to know how old she had become and if she was allowed to vote now. Anyhow, we’re going to celebrate this weekend, if she hasn’t forgotten about it then. Mum said she would remind Grandma of it today and tomorrow just to make sure. If Darwin was right, how come Grandma is still alive!?
Talking about Darwin, survival of the fittest, right? Well, for some reason I am starting to feel a little like Pinocchio; I’m turning into a real boy. I got a lot of new friends on Facebook and on WordPress, I have got a girlfriend, and I am doing the best I can to lead a healthier life and get into shape. The healthier life is working out quite well, but at the rate things are going at the moment I think it might take a year or maybe ten before I am actually as fit as fit. I think I’ll try my first real push-ups (not on my knees anymore, but manly push-ups) somewhere this weekend. Nobody said it was easy.
I told Mr Bent about my relationship with Evelyn this week. Although he was very happy for me he is kind of sceptical about love himself. He nearly got married once himself, but the wedding was called off at more or less the last moment. Mr Bent wasn’t really clear on this or I wasn’t listening very well. After his wedding had been called off he has never been in another relationship again. Even though he hasn’t had a relationship for a long time, he did give me some fatherly advice on love and relationships. Which is more than I can say for Dad whose been married for as long as I know.
Mum and Dad, by the way, don’t know about my relationship yet. I haven’t told them, because, well, they wouldn’t understand. Mum and Dad have been married for so long I wonder if they remember what it was like to be in love and to have to underbelly feelings. Sometimes I wonder if they ever even had those feelings and if their relationship wasn’t just a bet they lost or some sort of business agreement they once made. True, I do hear them at night doing ‘things’, but very often and I never see them touch or kiss each other in real life.
Which brings me to Evelyn herself – this is the best part – Evelyn stole a kiss from me. When I said goodbye to her today and I had nearly let go of her hand she quickly turned her face round and pressed her lips against mine. It felt really good, but it was over before I realised what had happened. She ran off and I was standing there with a million thoughts going through my mind. Let me just linger longer on this love. See me tomorrow.  

Shaped Like An Apple

09-03-2014 Sunday


I tried sleeping in today, because I couldn’t seem to catch sleep last night. Cheddar came to wake me up at 8.00. I sure am happy with the dog, on the other hand, it would have been nice if I had been able to sleep a little longer. Taking Cheddar for a walk at 8.30, half asleep, unwashed and in my most casual outfit ever does not make me look sexy and wanted. All right, I admit, it does make me look ‘wanted’. My face like this would look great on one of those old wanted photos. The only thing missing is a 5-o’clock shadow. It might take some years for me to have that.
Walking Cheddar I decided it was time for me to do more than just mind what I’m eating. It is time to get that body in motion. Fight that fat. Get into shape, a different shape than round. That is why I am going to start doing push-ups (while my hands can still touch the ground when lying on my belly). I am going to do sit-ups, and burpees and I’ll see what other things I can come up with. Maybe I could watch Rocky for some inspiration. Jogging, on the other hand, is not an option.
‘Why?’ I hear you ask. We’ll, every day I see those joggers in Kensington Park – just like this morning – and it really depresses me much. Cheddar and I often pass joggers. Yes, that’s right, we pass them while they should be passing us. And Cheddar and I are just strolling through the park. It’s not like we’re trying to outrun each other or anything. As we’re walking they pass us by, tongues dragging over the path, grasping for air and going as fast as any pedestrian on a Boxing Day down at Oxford Street. That, to my opinion, is not working out (pun intended). It is depressing and a waste of time. I have been passing a lot of these people by for over a year and some only seem to have been getting fatter instead of faster. One letter makes all the difference.
So, this morning, after having walked Cheddar, I started with five push-ups (on my knees, but it is a start), ten sit-ups, ten burpees and about 25 cherry pickers. I believe that is what the PE teach said they were called It looked a bit like a windmill to me. Yes, I admit, it killed me. Four simple exercises and I felt like I was dying. PE at school has not been very helpful over these years, apparently. I will have to work harder during those lessons as well. I think if I can keep it up – a healthier diet and working out – I should be in a better shape than apple-shaped within a year.
I am keeping it short today, because I have been neglecting my homework for way too long. There’s a pile of work on my desk that I really need to get rid of. Luckily Mum doesn’t come into my room that often so she has no idea, but it is time to get some of that work done, too. Enjoy today’s weather and see me tomorrow.