The Main Characters (so far)

As I will probably be posting stories on a daily basis, let me sum up some of the main characters in my life so far. Mind you, I still have to update this page … I will do so asap.

Arthur – that’s me. I am a socially awkward teenager growing up in London (Paddington) and I haven’t the foggiest idea how social media works. I like Yumchaa tea;Lush products; Punk, Rock, Alternative and folk music; ghost stories; reading books on life, the universe, and everything; writing; drawing

Mum – that’s my mother. She has a knack for ruining my day. On the other hand, so also knows how to cheer me up. Tries to keep me from any harm whatsoever, which means I am inside of the house most of the time (I am sure she means well). She can’t cook and is a terrible singer.

Dad – the man who cuts the meat every Sunday. I hardly ever see him because he is mostly at work. I have no clue as to what kind of work he does and I am not really interested as he is never interested in me either. I’ve always wondered why he wanted to have a kid, I bet he’s asking himself the same question.

Mr Bent – my friendly and even more socially impaired neighbour. He’s the closest thing to a best friend I have. Mr Bent is very good at telling stories and keeping me entertained. Besides his lack of social skills he is also very ill, although nobody really knows the name of his illness. He is, as he puts it ‘beyond repair’. There you have it.

Grandma  – a dirty old bag with a foul mouth but a very small heart. She means well and always tries to help me the best she can. Her meals mostly consist of pills and she’s being kept together with bandages and adhesive tape, for she is literally falling apart. Love her to bits.

Cheddar – our Jack Arsehole. He’s small, energetic, black and white and likes to play 24/7. My parents bought him to keep me entertained. I think it was Dad’s idea.

Evelyn – the most sweetest and sensible girl at school whom I happen to be in a relationship with. She is cute and cuddly. At school she pretends to be very stupid and gullible, but she is just fooling everybody and is in fact really clever and witty. Okay … I’m in love with her.

Ron –  The class nerd. Is a walking Wikipedia  Encyclopaedia and always has an answer to anything. Because he is a walking Wikipedia, his answers should never be trusted however plausible they may seem. Always check a real encyclopaedia.

Mrs Hoover – the geography teacher. She’s a wrinkle-saurier and should have been sacked ages ago. She’s 64 years old but looks 76. Has dentures and wears a wig. She might well be one of the Witches from Roald Dahl’s book. Her first name is Victoria. How she managed to look as old as she does is Victoria’s secret.

Mr Owen – Teacher of English. The hipster kind of guy. Slim, bearded, glasses and he has the latest gadgets. He thinks he is funny, but mostly he makes kids want to kill themselves because of his bad jokes. He is a pacifist and wants to solve each and every problem by having ‘a talk’. He is convinced the world would be a lot more peaceful if he were in charge of things.

Jonesy – Mum’s brother, which makes him my uncle. I feel kind of sorry for him, because his wife has got him under her thumb. He hardly ever says anything and has little say in anything for that matter. I’d say he was middle class, but his wife, Nora who is too posh for words, acts like she is upper-middle class and sometimes she even tends a little to high-class. Poor Jonesy.

Nora – My uncle’s wife, whom I – how shall I put it in the most friendliest of ways – hate. She’s got a job in a beauty salon which makes her think she is all that. She gets all these high class women in her salon and it kind of rubs off on her. She’s every bit as good as we are and nothing more.

Ivor  – Grandma’s dead cat. She still keeps the ashes of the furry little animal (that’s not so furry anymore) in an urn on the mantelpiece. She thinks it’s Grandpa’s ashes, but Grandpa was buried several years ago. Every now and again she asks if anyone’s seen Ivor around anywhere, because she hasn’t seen him for some time. Ivor was a terrible cat that nobody dared to touch except for grandma, who seemed to be oblivious to its nails. The cat was buried in secret in the graveyard a couple of blocks from her place, while it is actually Grandpa who was buried there.

Unice – Our new nosy neighbour who new everything about everybody before she had even settled in properly. She managed to upset everybody in the street bar one within a week, which must be some kind of record.

That’s it for now. There are more people in my life and more to come (hopefully). I have already met some great people through the Internet. Please follow me and add me as a friend on facebook.


2 thoughts on “The Main Characters (so far)

  1. OMG. This cast is excellent! Love the part where your grandmother’s diet is pills and she’s being held together with adhesive tape and bandages! You are a riot! You should be writing characters for BBC!

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